Ignorance is what?

Mom:  They were saying this lake is the most... something... in all of California?
Brother:  Biggest?
Mom:  No, it was like the best.
Brother:  Oh, so most beautiful.
Mom:  Yeah, but that's not the word they used.
Brother:  Picturesque?
Dad:  Scenic?
Mom:  I can't remember.
Brother:  This game is fun!
Mom:  You're all going to make fun of me when I get Alzheimer's! =(
Me:  But you won't know!  :D

A culture built from sound-bites

"Drunken talk isn't meant to be printed in the paper."

- Ray Charles

Text, Please

With the widespread availability of broadband, certain many industries assume unlimited bandwidth for users of their internet products.  This is stupid in many cases, as there is a great deal of design elegance associated with not having navigate through a billion tons of bullshit.  Perhaps the worst offense is using videos in place of news articles.

If I wanted to consume video news, I'd watch tv.  I don't care if you have a dedicated streaming news show, or if you want to add videos to your articles.  But don't put up content that's exclusively video and then fail to provide a written synopsis.

Short Open Letter to Whoever's Responsible for the Legal Descriptions of Condominiums

Stop inserting contract terms in the legal description, you fuckwits.

Edumacation?

My brother's cooking steaks in the oven.  We notice smoke coming from the oven.  He's put the steak on the top rack.  My brother opens the oven door.  Flames come pouring out of the oven. "What do I do?!  What do I do?!"  They need to stop teaching whatever the hell it is they're teaching in schools and teach children about fire, earthquakes, and their civic duties.  It does occur to me that my parents paid money for my brother to go to a private Christian school.  I guess they teach more important life lessons there, like how to save your soul CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO AVOID CATCHING FIRE.

Bumper to Bumper

The world as I see it in the morning:


This is how fast I'm going:

That's driving 90 miles for 109 minutes. My car's display panel doesn't count the time I spent on site. Now it's 9:49 a.m. and I'm driving back to the office. Or rather, parked on the freeway with my car pointed in the general direction of my office.

Come Again Another Day

Is there some sort of rule that states it must rain the hardest during my lunch hour, especially on days I don't bring my lunch to work?

In related news, there was a Tornado warning for Orange County this Tuesday. That's because God is punishing the the conservative evangelicals for spreading their evil. What? If Pat Robertson gets to do it, I don't see why some rant blogger should exercise greater restraint.